self-care

It's been hard the last few days. I won't lie. I play this little game with myself: I tell myself, "Self, it's ok. It's the weekend. Eat whatever you want! Give yourself a break!" But then "ok it's the weekend" turns into "ok it's monday" which turns into "who cares". I am only 21, but what if I wake up when I'm 30 and I've gained 100 pounds over the course of 9 years? These are the things that scare me when I watch "Biggest Loser". A lot of those people were once average weight. Now they're in danger of having a heart attack.

I bought a thing of Breyer's rocky road (which is a huge weakness) and stuck it in my refrigerator and have been chipping away at it since Friday. Those are huge tubs of ice cream! I did not ration it out well. I've been doing well going to the gym, but eating is still a problem.

Morale has also been low over the last couple of days. I've just had this lonely needy feeling eating away at me a little bit, and it sucks. I would like to just ignore it. Maybe that's what I need to do to get back to proactive healthy Beth. Sometimes I slip into sad emo panda Beth without even noticing. I don't ever want that girl to take the driver's seat again. (Realistically, she will. But I don't want her to.)

Here's my plan of attack: this week I will begin to try to focus on two things at once: eating and working out. I've got the working out thing down pretty well. (I really love the classes I've been taking at BSC.) Now I'd like to add some protein/vegetables into the equation and subtract some desserts. I'll try to be realistic about the whole thing and won't over-shoot my goal (fasting completely from any one thing is a bad idea this week).

Tonight I'm working at the School of Music (at Passim). I'm going to get myself a salad at veggie planet and a small side of bread, and hunker down to do some interweb networking. Yay for goals.

Tomorrow I gym it up. Yoga at 4:30 or Tae Kwon Do at 5:30?

<3

All of my hope,

--Beth