Sunday, May 2, 2010

I'm gonna have to try just a little bit harder if I want all the things I know I want before I die--

Hey yo,

So I've been hovering around the 10 pounds lost marker for the last week or so. The reason? I haven't hit the gym hard this week. I went TWICE! Horrors. I may go again today, but it's been a hectic week what with finals and all...and basically I could keep making excuses, but I know that ultimately I'm just going to have to step it up this coming week. Starting tomorrow. I WANT TO LOSE THIS WEIGHT. I look at pictures of myself, and while I'm happier with what I've been seeing recently, it's not the girl that I was my Freshman or Sophomore year of college. It's her plus 30 pounds. I want to be her MINUS some. :)

So this week, I resolve to hit the gym hard no matter what I have going on...school work, emotional pain, a stomach ache, a constant need to sort my sock drawer. It's going to happen. On top of that, no slacking in the food log department. I want to ensure a solid weigh in next Sunday. Even though I was happy with today's weigh in (because I didn't gain anything, and I even lost like...maybe half a pound), I want to be thrilled.

Other things I've been learning: I have a great need to fill this giant empty space in my belly/heart. My big three are food, caffeine, and sex. The days that I feel most fully myself are the days that I don't turn to these things for comfort. I'd like to try and move towards feeling whole...it's a slow journey, though.

Go to bed hungry, my loves...

--Beth

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