self-compassion

a friend of mine posted this on facebook, and it got me thinking:

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/02/28/go-easy-on-yourself-a-new-wave-of-research-urges/?src=me&ref=homepage

the article is all about self-compassion and how it does wonders for the soul. I am known for being hard on myself; it's something I've done professionally since I was Will's age. (funnily enough, he's the same way. I see so much of myself in these kids. I bet that's not a coincidence.) I've always had one thing or another that I've actively hated about myself, which is strange because I'm constantly being told by the people that I love that I'm wonderful. this article emphasized the point that people who are compassionate and understanding towards others tend to have a hard time doing the same thing for themselves...for the last two weeks, I've had to turn up the compassion, and I think that may be one of the reasons I've spent so much time beating myself up and feeling guilty. every time that I reach for a small piece of chocolate or log it in my fatsecret account, I'm feeling shame--shame that I shouldn't feel for a measly piece of chocolate. every time that I do something just a little bit wrong at work, I turn it over and over in my head, inspecting how I could do it right the next time and yelling at myself for doing it wrong this time. it just makes dieting and healthy living that much more of a burden. it just makes being me so much harder.

the thing is, I'd love to just let it go. easier said than done. here I am beating myself up for being myself up! it's hilarious. I just ran a half marathon, and all I can think about is how I'm not going to meet my weight goal on friday when I go to personal training. I just started an awesome new job a month ago and all that I can think about is when they're going to fire me for being inadequate, when I haven't done anything to provoke that.

my point is: I'm a loved, beautiful, artistic young person. I just ran 13 miles. I have a great job working with little ones that I love more than a lot of the people around me, and I just met them. I have hope in a future of playing music (in one context or another) with amazing people who support me. I have a phenomenal girlfriend who kisses me at the end of every day. I am surrounded by a God that reminds me of all of this love at every turn, regardless of how hard I try to forget about it.

we shouldn't forget it. we are all so loved, so valuable. I am loved and valuable.

with as much compassion as I can muster,

--Beth