I feel some big changes coming. good changes. maybe I feel this way because it's 1 AM and I'm a songwriter and that's when we do most of our good thinking and I just got a full-time job and I'm running a half marathon in a month and I'm going into the studio in a month and a half and and and. or maybe it's just a feeling--whether or not that feeling turns into an action remains to be seen.
so to those of you who have been in suspense over my full-time job hunt (I know, I know...that pretty much means all of you) ;), I have successfully landed a nanny job. I am completely and totally stoked about this position; the family is beautiful and wonderful, the hours are great, I get paid vacation, and the salary is awesome. mostly I'm excited because I feel like I can make a difference in three kid's lives, and that by itself is amazing. I get to have personal, real connections with people and get paid for it.
however, I know from past experience that "with great privilege comes great responsibility" (did I just quote spiderman?) and so I will take it in stride. I'm going to go week by week, do a thorough job, and still love my life. I know that if I take it too fast and forget to ask questions things get messy.
my sweet girlfriend is asleep in bed next to me. I should be asleep by now, but I'm so excited about the things that are happening right now that I just can't.
Sunday night I baby-sat with Lindsey. my dear friends TJ and Maren have two kids, one of which is their biological child, the other is adopted. their names are Elliot and Lola. they are such loves. we sat with TJ and Maren after babysitting and talked about how they decided to adopt Lola. she's a child from India with disabilities, and we didn't really know the process, so it was interesting to us to learn. one thing I thought was really striking was the fact that they had to look through a catalog to choose which child they would apply to adopt. woah. I can't even imagine. how do you do that? to decide your whole future in the flip of a magazine page is a huge thing. I think about kids a lot lately...whether I see them in my future with Lindsey. maybe some day? we'll see how this nanny thing goes first and take it from there. :)
all I know is that I have a lot of love to give.
taking it in striiiide,
--Beth
Monday, January 17, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
the world gives you love to hold on to...remember? we seldom remember love.
this morning I woke up with a familiar feeling of dread--of wanting to get in my car and leave. just drive and drive and drive until I can't drive no more. I've always had kind of a "hummingbird" heart, the one that all the songwriters talk about (specifically deb talan and kris delmhorst). however, it's not displayed in the way that most hummingbird hearts are. it's more in my everyday jitters, the anxiety I get over things that are unnecessary, and the need to divide my attention in eight different directions. usually if I get these jitters, I can still them when I concentrate hard enough on having a life and being purposeful. sometimes they just don't go away. like yesterday. I was in a hummingbird place, and I just couldn't budge.
anyway, half way through my day after partaking in some activity, I started to feel better. like less of a tiny fluttering bird and more of a person. I think that the sadness in the world gets me tied up in knots some days, and I am not enough of a sailor to get myself out of them. maybe the universe gave me those knots to make me a better artist. I express the sadness through outlets, and this is my "vocation", if you will. a calling I will forever be drawn to, even if it leaves me in tears at the end of a hard day.
job update: will hear from children's hospital hopefully by tomorrow. interview for a nanny position at 5 tomorrow. possible lead for an administrative assistant job that could be pretty sweet. we shall see.
vocation is rough. knowing what that call is can be daunting. it whispers so quietly that only the thoughtful can hear it.
well--I'm trying to listen. that's the best I can do.
--B
anyway, half way through my day after partaking in some activity, I started to feel better. like less of a tiny fluttering bird and more of a person. I think that the sadness in the world gets me tied up in knots some days, and I am not enough of a sailor to get myself out of them. maybe the universe gave me those knots to make me a better artist. I express the sadness through outlets, and this is my "vocation", if you will. a calling I will forever be drawn to, even if it leaves me in tears at the end of a hard day.
job update: will hear from children's hospital hopefully by tomorrow. interview for a nanny position at 5 tomorrow. possible lead for an administrative assistant job that could be pretty sweet. we shall see.
vocation is rough. knowing what that call is can be daunting. it whispers so quietly that only the thoughtful can hear it.
well--I'm trying to listen. that's the best I can do.
--B
Monday, January 10, 2011
where you invest your love is where you invest your life.
so here I am. two weeks graduated, and lying in bed with a 1/2 pint of b+j's fro yo. ;) Linds and I went on our epic NYC adventure this weekend, and it was pretty great. however, now I am completely and totally exhausted. I got done with work this morning and I came home and totally collapsed for three good hours. what did we see? haha...short answer, not much. visiting NYC for a weekend is like trying to fit disney world into a day. we stayed in brooklyn with a friend who was gracious enough to host us free of charge...then we explored manhattan and the west village. we took in a show, had a DELICIOUS dinner on saturday night at 10 PM (lolz), met a celebrity (freakin' Jonathan from Buffy was sitting at the wine bar where we attempted to eat dinner), and did some serious shopping. I bought myself a new pair of chucks, some sweet skinny jeans, and a couple of sale shirts at the gap. oh--and a new wallet. hehe.
so now that I'm coming down off of the high that has been the last month, I'm trying to be realistic, which can be disheartening at times. driving home from work was definitely my low today...just the feeling of "omg I'm never going to find a job" was overwhelming. that's totally not true, of course...but it's hard to remember that. update: I got an e-mail from Luis, the man who interviewed me at Children's Hospital. he said to contact HR. not positive if that's good or bad, but I'm leaning towards bad since they hadn't gotten back to me sooner. I have an interview for a nanny position on Wednesday. that could be potentially sweet. good salary, good benefits. we'll see. in the meantime I'm applying for everything I can at Children's (and other places), and hoping I can survive through the month without being severely broke.
I just have to remember that there are people I love who have been looking for jobs for months and still haven't been successful BUT they are still surviving. so I can surely do the same.
New Years Resolutions:
1. make a record. Not just any record, but one that I'm proud of. A record that I hand out to all of my friends and acquaintances with pride.
2. lose another 15-30 pounds. feel good about my body. build muscle, run that half marathon and make it through the thirteen miles (it's in six weeks, gulp).
3. find a job and love it.
4. be proud of myself. not just for my accomplishments, but for my "cor" (heart, courage, in latin). finally get that tattoo.
that's it! I think it's doable. here we go, 2011.
love yourself and love others,
--Beth
so now that I'm coming down off of the high that has been the last month, I'm trying to be realistic, which can be disheartening at times. driving home from work was definitely my low today...just the feeling of "omg I'm never going to find a job" was overwhelming. that's totally not true, of course...but it's hard to remember that. update: I got an e-mail from Luis, the man who interviewed me at Children's Hospital. he said to contact HR. not positive if that's good or bad, but I'm leaning towards bad since they hadn't gotten back to me sooner. I have an interview for a nanny position on Wednesday. that could be potentially sweet. good salary, good benefits. we'll see. in the meantime I'm applying for everything I can at Children's (and other places), and hoping I can survive through the month without being severely broke.
I just have to remember that there are people I love who have been looking for jobs for months and still haven't been successful BUT they are still surviving. so I can surely do the same.
New Years Resolutions:
1. make a record. Not just any record, but one that I'm proud of. A record that I hand out to all of my friends and acquaintances with pride.
2. lose another 15-30 pounds. feel good about my body. build muscle, run that half marathon and make it through the thirteen miles (it's in six weeks, gulp).
3. find a job and love it.
4. be proud of myself. not just for my accomplishments, but for my "cor" (heart, courage, in latin). finally get that tattoo.
that's it! I think it's doable. here we go, 2011.
love yourself and love others,
--Beth
Saturday, January 1, 2011
hello, 2011
it's 2011. I was barely conscious to wish my beautiful girlfriend a happy new year last night at midnight. but these things happen, I guess. :) it's been a busy few days, so I feel like I have an excuse. I'm sitting in the living room of my brand new apartment. I finally moved in, and it's great! granted, there are things I'll have to get used to but that's just the way it goes, right? I've lived with so many different people in so many different places over the years in Boston, and this is just a new experience.
I wrote my first rent check today. I'm pretty proud of that. it's also pretty scary to be writing out checks that I have to fill (not my parents) for big spending items like rent, utilities, etc. car payments, cell phone bills, insurance...that stuff I'm used to paying for. but this is a whole new responsibility. I'm a little scared of what happens in February when I only have enough for rent and utilities in my savings account...and then I no longer have a savings account! I guess we start a new one, right? better have a full time job (or two part times) by then.
my dad gave me a big fat check for my trip to NYC with Lindsey...which I plan on taking next weekend. so exciting! we're going to stay in a nice hotel for two nights, go to some cool museums and walk the city, visit Amy, and just generally celebrate the fact that I am completely done. grades and all. :)
today = brunch with tim, alice, my cousins, and river. :) Lindsey gets to meet the nephew, which will be fun. he is the sweetest little bundle. then we're off to shelburn falls, MA to see a concert and do yoga. great way to spend the first of this year!
things I'm adjusting to: the new apartment, my financial situation, not being in school, feeling like I really have to do it all on my own now, etc. the good thing is that I feel like I do have the help of a few support systems in place...and so I'm not freaking out. this week I may go visit grandma and aunt sally in ME, because I have a something I'd really like to talk to grandma about (i.e. time to come out of the closet finally). she's the only family member who doesn't really know at this point, though I've never actually voiced it to my aunts or uncles. I think they've caught on by now. she probably has to. I think it'll be fine...she's pretty supportive of some members of her congregation who are LGBT, so it shouldn't be so bad.
well...I'm being summoned to the shower. I must go! oops, forgot to write down my resolutions. which I totally have. for realz. tonight or tomorrow? we'll see.
love yourselves so that you can love others,
--Beth
I wrote my first rent check today. I'm pretty proud of that. it's also pretty scary to be writing out checks that I have to fill (not my parents) for big spending items like rent, utilities, etc. car payments, cell phone bills, insurance...that stuff I'm used to paying for. but this is a whole new responsibility. I'm a little scared of what happens in February when I only have enough for rent and utilities in my savings account...and then I no longer have a savings account! I guess we start a new one, right? better have a full time job (or two part times) by then.
my dad gave me a big fat check for my trip to NYC with Lindsey...which I plan on taking next weekend. so exciting! we're going to stay in a nice hotel for two nights, go to some cool museums and walk the city, visit Amy, and just generally celebrate the fact that I am completely done. grades and all. :)
today = brunch with tim, alice, my cousins, and river. :) Lindsey gets to meet the nephew, which will be fun. he is the sweetest little bundle. then we're off to shelburn falls, MA to see a concert and do yoga. great way to spend the first of this year!
things I'm adjusting to: the new apartment, my financial situation, not being in school, feeling like I really have to do it all on my own now, etc. the good thing is that I feel like I do have the help of a few support systems in place...and so I'm not freaking out. this week I may go visit grandma and aunt sally in ME, because I have a something I'd really like to talk to grandma about (i.e. time to come out of the closet finally). she's the only family member who doesn't really know at this point, though I've never actually voiced it to my aunts or uncles. I think they've caught on by now. she probably has to. I think it'll be fine...she's pretty supportive of some members of her congregation who are LGBT, so it shouldn't be so bad.
well...I'm being summoned to the shower. I must go! oops, forgot to write down my resolutions. which I totally have. for realz. tonight or tomorrow? we'll see.
love yourselves so that you can love others,
--Beth
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
dates are booked. can't wait.
so. I got on the phone yesterday afternoon to book a date to record. we'll be going into the studio on March 5th (Signature Sounds studio, only the coolest place ever)! ! ! my musicians and I will pack up the car on Friday night that weekend, head down to Pomfret, eat dinner with Mark (our sound engineer), and set up the studio. the next day we'll spend an entire 8-10 hours recording as many songs as we can perfectly, possibly live. we'll see. Mark said that he really wants to highlight the glock parts on this record, and I'm excited to hear what that will sound like. I can see that really working...especially because I love Rachel and everyone else loves her parts whenever she plays with me. I'm totally and completely stoked for this day! we'll spend the majority of February working our butts off and polishing the hell out of these songs. it's going to be great. :)
in the meantime, I need to fundraise. I have enough to go into the studio for the one day, but I do not have the extra it will take to duplicate the record or mix and master it. so that's another story. hehe. if you're reading this and you want to donate, go here: http://www.feedthemuse.net/bethcolegrove
I need about $2000 in order to duplicate, mix, and master. let's keep the checks coming!
I have a whole crapload of other stuff going on, too. I'm moving in with Lindsey tomorrow. OMG. I just ordered something on Barnes and Noble's website and used my NEW address! so crazy. I'm shopping for jobs (still). I'm going on a roadtrip in another week. and and and. so much. it's unbelievable how wide-open my life is. I wake up in the morning and am excited for what comes next. it's great to have that feeling.
love yourself so you can love others,
--Beth
in the meantime, I need to fundraise. I have enough to go into the studio for the one day, but I do not have the extra it will take to duplicate the record or mix and master it. so that's another story. hehe. if you're reading this and you want to donate, go here: http://www.feedthemuse.net/bethcolegrove
I need about $2000 in order to duplicate, mix, and master. let's keep the checks coming!
I have a whole crapload of other stuff going on, too. I'm moving in with Lindsey tomorrow. OMG. I just ordered something on Barnes and Noble's website and used my NEW address! so crazy. I'm shopping for jobs (still). I'm going on a roadtrip in another week. and and and. so much. it's unbelievable how wide-open my life is. I wake up in the morning and am excited for what comes next. it's great to have that feeling.
love yourself so you can love others,
--Beth
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
a little freaked out, but hopeful. :)
I am officially a graduate. ! ! ! I went and checked my grades this morning, and I had 3 Bs (B+, B-, B), an A, and a P. :) I am so so happy with that.
Now what?
I'm sure every graduate has this feeling in some capacity. for me it's a feeling of an open road ahead of me...I'm completely unaware of what comes next. I can see it going several ways. scenario 1: I find a full time job by the end of this month, I gig on weekends and nights. scenario 2: no full time job, so I pick up another part time. I work two jobs and gig a ton. scenario 3: no full time, no part time, I work at waltham as much as I can, playing gigs and just scraping by. HOPEFULLY it'll be scenario 1, but I could deal with any of them. I know I won't be turned out on the street either way, which is more than I can say for some of my friends. I'm lucky that way. am I nervous? yes. am I so nervous that it's disabling? no.
I've been putting out resumes left and right, and I'm hoping that at least one of them will lead me to a job. if not, I can get by. I will. I have a family that loves and supports me and a girlfriend who will stick by no matter what. (notice how I'm reassuring myself? haha...)
what I'm praying for is a phone call from Luis in the next two weeks telling me that I got the job at children's. however, I know that's a pipe dream because he probably interviewed a handful of other candidates that were more qualified than I am. we'll see?
all I know is that as an aspiring musician, a full time job with benefits would allow me to do what I want to do worry free. and I want to be fairly worry free! so I'm going to keep sending out resumes. five a day, ideally. keep me in your prayers, friends.
Lindsey is back from Spain, which is a nice big sigh for me. :) after a sweet Christmas, she is home to keep me warm and snuggly. she had a good time, but I can tell she's glad to be back. long trips can be taxing. today's plan: work, picking her up and cleaning her car off so she can go to her massage this afternoon, and trying to make it to the rmv to get my new car registered! I have a new car and a new guitar to start the new year. and my new life as a recent graduate. so many changes in my life, but all good ones...all in an upward direction.
looking back, I'm not really sure how I made it here. I have friends who dropped out of college because it was just too hard, transferred out of Boston, you name it. it could have been me when I think about my freshman year. I was miserable. but I stuck it out, stayed here, and I'm so glad that I did. Boston is really home now.
I move into my apartment with Lindsey on Thursday. dad's helping me load a truck up. I'm so so glad. it's time for a change of location. even if it's not the perfect place for us, we're still able to share it, and that's a big deal. I start packing tomorrow. haha...
I plan on taking a road trip with her to NYC, probably next weekend. my 'rents gave me some money for a trip to celebrate graduation (so nice), and I want to spend it on a weekend in the city, just enjoying life and going for fancy dinners, staying in a nice hotel. we'll probably drive my new car there, park it in a garage for two days and spend the rest of the weekend on foot. her friend Amy lives in the city and so we might have a meal or two with her. go explore all the cute little nooks in the city, maybe go to chinatown, see some art museums. :) I can't wait.
in other news, I've made a decision about how I want to do this record. I want to get Rachel, Jeff, and Kevin to nail down a few dates in February to really rehearse the hell out of some songs. then in March when we're ready, we'll go to Signature Sounds Studio for a full day and lay down as many tracks as we can perfectly. that will be the record. mixing, mastering, and duplication will come once I have the cash. I realized that I want this to be a simple project; something that's really me in a record, but isn't too complex. something gentle.
so. many exciting and daunting things. goodness to come.
<3
--Beth
Now what?
I'm sure every graduate has this feeling in some capacity. for me it's a feeling of an open road ahead of me...I'm completely unaware of what comes next. I can see it going several ways. scenario 1: I find a full time job by the end of this month, I gig on weekends and nights. scenario 2: no full time job, so I pick up another part time. I work two jobs and gig a ton. scenario 3: no full time, no part time, I work at waltham as much as I can, playing gigs and just scraping by. HOPEFULLY it'll be scenario 1, but I could deal with any of them. I know I won't be turned out on the street either way, which is more than I can say for some of my friends. I'm lucky that way. am I nervous? yes. am I so nervous that it's disabling? no.
I've been putting out resumes left and right, and I'm hoping that at least one of them will lead me to a job. if not, I can get by. I will. I have a family that loves and supports me and a girlfriend who will stick by no matter what. (notice how I'm reassuring myself? haha...)
what I'm praying for is a phone call from Luis in the next two weeks telling me that I got the job at children's. however, I know that's a pipe dream because he probably interviewed a handful of other candidates that were more qualified than I am. we'll see?
all I know is that as an aspiring musician, a full time job with benefits would allow me to do what I want to do worry free. and I want to be fairly worry free! so I'm going to keep sending out resumes. five a day, ideally. keep me in your prayers, friends.
Lindsey is back from Spain, which is a nice big sigh for me. :) after a sweet Christmas, she is home to keep me warm and snuggly. she had a good time, but I can tell she's glad to be back. long trips can be taxing. today's plan: work, picking her up and cleaning her car off so she can go to her massage this afternoon, and trying to make it to the rmv to get my new car registered! I have a new car and a new guitar to start the new year. and my new life as a recent graduate. so many changes in my life, but all good ones...all in an upward direction.
looking back, I'm not really sure how I made it here. I have friends who dropped out of college because it was just too hard, transferred out of Boston, you name it. it could have been me when I think about my freshman year. I was miserable. but I stuck it out, stayed here, and I'm so glad that I did. Boston is really home now.
I move into my apartment with Lindsey on Thursday. dad's helping me load a truck up. I'm so so glad. it's time for a change of location. even if it's not the perfect place for us, we're still able to share it, and that's a big deal. I start packing tomorrow. haha...
I plan on taking a road trip with her to NYC, probably next weekend. my 'rents gave me some money for a trip to celebrate graduation (so nice), and I want to spend it on a weekend in the city, just enjoying life and going for fancy dinners, staying in a nice hotel. we'll probably drive my new car there, park it in a garage for two days and spend the rest of the weekend on foot. her friend Amy lives in the city and so we might have a meal or two with her. go explore all the cute little nooks in the city, maybe go to chinatown, see some art museums. :) I can't wait.
in other news, I've made a decision about how I want to do this record. I want to get Rachel, Jeff, and Kevin to nail down a few dates in February to really rehearse the hell out of some songs. then in March when we're ready, we'll go to Signature Sounds Studio for a full day and lay down as many tracks as we can perfectly. that will be the record. mixing, mastering, and duplication will come once I have the cash. I realized that I want this to be a simple project; something that's really me in a record, but isn't too complex. something gentle.
so. many exciting and daunting things. goodness to come.
<3
--Beth
Friday, December 24, 2010
new gym schedule/list of triggers
I've decided to incorporate some discipline into my routine once I get home from Christmas. so here it is!
Monday: outdoor run. start with 3 miles.
Tuesday: half hour weights, 1 mile on the treadmill.
Wednesday: treadmill run. 3 miles.
Thursday: half hour weights, 1 mile on the treadmill.
Friday: outdoor run. 4 miles.
Saturday: off.
Sunday: off.
triggers (things that make me over-eat or skip the gym):
-needy friends
-work stress
-fatigue (lack of sleep)
-going out for dinner with friends/Lindsey
-family stress
-tiny candies in the work place, or things that roomies leave around the house. if I eat one, then I will eventually eat five.
so I know what I can do to combat these things. obviously there will be slip-ups. but practice makes perfect. it's just like learning an instrument. I need the discipline of practice.
ok? ok. no more excuses. just do it for me. do it because I want to do it.
--Beth
Monday: outdoor run. start with 3 miles.
Tuesday: half hour weights, 1 mile on the treadmill.
Wednesday: treadmill run. 3 miles.
Thursday: half hour weights, 1 mile on the treadmill.
Friday: outdoor run. 4 miles.
Saturday: off.
Sunday: off.
triggers (things that make me over-eat or skip the gym):
-needy friends
-work stress
-fatigue (lack of sleep)
-going out for dinner with friends/Lindsey
-family stress
-tiny candies in the work place, or things that roomies leave around the house. if I eat one, then I will eventually eat five.
so I know what I can do to combat these things. obviously there will be slip-ups. but practice makes perfect. it's just like learning an instrument. I need the discipline of practice.
ok? ok. no more excuses. just do it for me. do it because I want to do it.
--Beth
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