Too much food.

Here is the cruel reality: I have been about 30 points or above on my food log every freaking day this week. OI. big mess up. I would like to trick myself and say that I've been ok, that I haven't been that bad. BUT I HAVE. I need to get back on track, or I will gain back the 12 pounds that I've lost in the last two months. I've worked hard for it, so I refuse to do that.

I have been to the gym twice, and had one day where I helped Lindsey move (which was probably even better than going to the gym), but that's not enough to even out the horrible portion control I've had this week. Not to mention I've just been binge eating like crazy. I've been stressed, but that's no excuse to let myself go. In fact, that's more reason to eat healthy...so that I don't get even MORE stressed. That is something I've learned.

I thought that writing this down and getting it out there would help me to get back on track. This week's goal: starting tomorrow (dumb memorial day excuses be damned), I am going to focus on my fruits and veggies. I will be around 24 points or a couple above that every day, and I'll make it to the gym four times...if not five. That will put me in good spirits for my weekend to myself in Maine, and it will help me to get through the stress of starting new classes on Tuesday.

The thing of it is, this kind of eating does not make me feel good. I feel bloated, stuffed, and generally nutty in the head. Not the right kind of fuel to be putting into my body. As Beth (my trainer) always said, your body is a porsche. You have to put good fuel into it in order for it to function correctly. You wouldn't feed a porsche just any old gasoline.

Signing out for now, guys.

Hold me to it.

Love yourselves.

--Beth

I'm gonna have to try just a little bit harder if I want all the things I know I want before I die--

Hey yo,

So I've been hovering around the 10 pounds lost marker for the last week or so. The reason? I haven't hit the gym hard this week. I went TWICE! Horrors. I may go again today, but it's been a hectic week what with finals and all...and basically I could keep making excuses, but I know that ultimately I'm just going to have to step it up this coming week. Starting tomorrow. I WANT TO LOSE THIS WEIGHT. I look at pictures of myself, and while I'm happier with what I've been seeing recently, it's not the girl that I was my Freshman or Sophomore year of college. It's her plus 30 pounds. I want to be her MINUS some. :)

So this week, I resolve to hit the gym hard no matter what I have going on...school work, emotional pain, a stomach ache, a constant need to sort my sock drawer. It's going to happen. On top of that, no slacking in the food log department. I want to ensure a solid weigh in next Sunday. Even though I was happy with today's weigh in (because I didn't gain anything, and I even lost like...maybe half a pound), I want to be thrilled.

Other things I've been learning: I have a great need to fill this giant empty space in my belly/heart. My big three are food, caffeine, and sex. The days that I feel most fully myself are the days that I don't turn to these things for comfort. I'd like to try and move towards feeling whole...it's a slow journey, though.

Go to bed hungry, my loves...

--Beth